Another Day, Another Phone Call

Following hot on the heels of their last snagged conversation between Dick Ackerman and his various high-minded associates, we have received this sparkling gem from our Undercover Surveillance Unit.

It appears to be a conference call between Dick Ackerman and two of Repuglican OCs minor water bearers, Adam Probolsky and Matthew Cunningham. It is so unbelievable that we will obviously forgive you Friends for treating it as fiction, but here goes, anyway.

(Cunningham and Ackerman were already conversing when the interception began. A faint ringing sound is heard in the background)

Dick Ackerman: (snort) You missed the rear tires again.

Matt Cunningham: Sorry, sir. Thought I got them. Won’t happen again.

DA: (grunting noise) Yeah, well it better not…and use Armor All next time…

(ringing stops)

Adam Probolsky: Hey there, Senator. So glad I could join –

DA: (guttural sounds) Shut up and listen Problobsky. Your girlfriend has already got me into plenty of hot water. That shit with Jones Day isn’t going to be free.

AP: I’ll tell you what –

DA: (bark) No, you’re done talking, putz. Clam up. You’re almost as bad as that donkey Fleischman.

AP: Sorry, sir I just –

( a low grade snarl, unattributable)

DA: That asshole Lacy did a poll. Showed Linda down by ten. We go down, you go down. Now get your fat ass out there and refute it. And you, you –

MC: Me? Yessir?

DA: Your job is to screw with that FFFF operation and Bushala. That bastard is putting up signs attacking me. I mean attacking Linda. Nobody attacks me. It can’t be legal. They’re making me look bad. Making Linda look bad. Making us look bad. (several low growls and a snort). Ughhhmmmmph.

MC: He’s fringe. Crazy. I really hate him. I hate his guts.

AP: He’s a terrrorist. They all are, you know.

DA: Shut up, Plobrosky. What are you still doing on the line? You’ve got your assignment now get lost.

(a distinct clicking sound) 

MC: Anything else you want me to do, sir?

DA: (snarl) I want you to start going after Norby, goddammit!

MC: Okay….well…its hard…I mean. I haven’t endorsed him…

DA: (several growls)Nobody gives a rat’s ass about your punk endorsement. Just take a shit on him every day.

MC: Well, I’m trying, but you see, John is telling me the same thing, so –

DA: Don’t play hard ball with me you little (unintelligible). If I go down you’re coming along, too see, just like Porbolsky and Fleischberg. And all that Carona shit may come out, too. You and all your little…(loud sound of exhalation).  And don’t forget to shut up that Bartlett piece of crap. Thinks he’s so goddam pure and self-righteous. (growling sound)

MC: Well, we’ve been deleting some of his posts and Chip has –

DA: (muffled sounds of indeterminate origin) Shut him up. Now. I’ll take care of him but good after I win. So go after Bushala. Make him look bad. (several quick grunts)

MC: Well, it’s a little hard – he doesn’t seem to care what I say about him. He’s crazy.

DA: Goddamit, call him a liar and a crook. I don’t give a shit. Use some big words. Goddam Jones Day. Worthless. Can’t count on anybody. All out to get me. (a muffled snarl)

MC: Okay, sir. I’ll keep up the pressure. We really need Linda.

DA: Who? Oh, yeah. Right. Now start blogging or your gravy train’s gonna come to a screeching halt, you got it?

MC: Yessir!

DA: And next time get the tires right or I’ll let Fleischman do it.