Undercover Surveillance Unit Captures Strange Conversation
When we returned to the FFFF HQ today we noticed that somebody had been rummaging around in the medicine cabinet. Sure enough, some of our ritual mescaline had disappeared. And later today we received the following communication from the boys in the white, unmarked van, purporting to be yet another snagged Dick Ackerman telephone conversation. Although we know who the other communicant is (or claims to be) we have been unable to discover anything about this individual. If any of the Friends can help out we would certainly appreciate the assistance.
(phone ringing)
Dick Ackerman: (snort) Yeah, Ackerman here.
Louis Cyphere: Hello Richard. Louis Cyphere calling.
DA: Oh, Jesus.
LC: Come again?
DA: (Grunting sounds) Heh heh. Sorry, boss.
LC: Richard please stop making animal sounds. I want to know what’s been going on lately. You haven’t been in touch.
DA: Been busy. Trying to beat that bastard Norby. Need some more help. Things aren’t looking too good.
LC: Ah, Richard, they rarely do. But I’m wondering, well, you know, what’s in it for me?
DA: Hgpmph. Um. Well, Hell…
LC: Hmmm?
DA: I mean, you know…
LC: You see Richard, the thing of it is, I feel I’ve already pretty much optimized my investment in you and the missus, and I have so many political things on my plate right now.
DA: 72nd at stake. (grunting) Lots of possibilities in Sacramento.
LC: Yes, well, the 72nd was pretty much bought and paid for back in ’95. Surely you remember that arrangement.
DA: Ughmpmphh. Yeah, sure boss.
LC: Good. Well, the World Series is over and the Yanks have won again, so I suppose…what more do you want?
DA: Gotta shut down the blogs. That Bushala. Goddammit! Killing me. I mean killing us. I mean killing Linda! Phone calls, signs, blogthings, Goddamn signs. Right there on the way to Dolan’s house.
LC: Richard. No need to blaspheme. What do you want?
DA: (snarling sound and a low bark) Take him out. Accident. Overdose. Suicide. Something.
LC: Calm down now Richard. You know I can’t do that. Bushala, again? You mean our arrangement with Malcolm didn’t work out? I could try to cut a deal with him.
DA: Yeah. Heh. Heh heh. A deal (three quick grunts).
LC: Greek Orthodox?
DA: (undecipherable) What? Goddamit, that white van is out back behind the badminton courts.
LC: Never mind.
(at this point the telecommunication was cut off)
This exchange suggests that Dick Ackerman is as smooth as Mickey Rourke, which strains even FFFF’s stretched credibility.
I call “shenanigans.”
Ah, tyler, nothing gets past you! But how come there’s never an under-clad Lisa Bonet around when you need one?
BTW, we don’t have any credibility and we don’t want any.
Louis Cyphere… i get it.
This is not funny and you are going to be sorry.
The Red County and Liberal OC blogs officially denounce this post and all of its bretheren. How dare you bring humor into politics! It’s so blunt and mean-spirited!
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.