Bruce Whitaker Did Not Kill And Eat Cletus’s Dog
UPDATE: We have received the following communication from the Bruce Whitaker for City Council Campaign:
“The rumors that Bruce Whitaker killed and consumed Cletus’s dog are completely false and unfounded. Bruce Whitaker is a normal and healthy carnivore, but has never eaten the flesh of a dog. Such accusations are baseless attacks on an acknowledged frontrunner. We categorically condemn them and ask all fellow candidates to do the same.”
Lately we’ve had some commenters who have questioned whether or not Fullerton council candidate Bruce Whitaker “kilt and et” a dog belonging to some slack-jawed yokel named Cletus.
I know for a fact this rumor is not true because that dog is up here with me in doggy heaven and he told me – Cletus done ate him up last winter when the crick froze over and the pork ‘n beans run out.
So now you know.
Thanks JFD. I’m really glad we got that cleared up.
I appreciate this expert opinion, but again it is only that, and leaves many questions unanswered.
Where exactly WAS Mr. Whitaker on the night of the 21st? His statements have been inconsistent at best.
No other theories have been put forward as to all the messages initialed “BW” threatening the poor pooch’s life.
Cletus himself may be considered unreliable due to his chronic glue-sniffing. But SPCA investigators confirm that he has had plenty of pork-n-beans stocked up in the barn that have been there since well before last winter. So at least that part of JFD’s story does not add up.
I just really hope this unpleasantness is cleared up for good before the election gets under way so that we can discuss more serious issues. But reports from dubious celestial canines have never before held weight in the court of law, OR public opinion.
Yes, there are two sides to this story. Why don’t you let the readers decide. They will probably realize that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Maybe Bruce Whitaker killed the dog but didn’t eat it, or perhaps he ate it after he found it as road kill.
And then there’s the broader question of what pets Bruce Whitaker eats, and when he started eating them.
Et tu, Quimby?
It’s highly possible that Mr. Whitaker, by all accounts a fine and honorable man, does not kill or eat dogs at all. But how can he be expected to prove a negative?
I welcome this exculpatory post from another brave dog, who, after years of suffering Jan Flory’s abuse, is boldly putting itself again in the public eye, no doubt to suffer more slings and arrows from a public all too willing to believe the worst of those who merely want to serve.
When Bruce returned he removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Whoa, there. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable to eat dog. Mmmm. Tender young puppy.
Amen! What is wrong with all you racists and bigots? Let a man eat what he gonna eat!
Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta go pick some of this Labrador outta my teeth.
Thanks for the clarification, Mr. Whitaker. I’ve been trying to tell everybody this is a far-fetched scurrilous tale. This update should go up on that libelous Orange Juice Blog as well, that’s probably where the rumor started.
I’ll see ALL of you at the Oct. 9 fundraiser for the Fullerton Library, where I’m playing piano! Cletus not invited.