When Harry Met Jennifer

Those rascals in the white van have done it again. After a night of hard binge drinking that included shots of denatured alcohol and grapefruit juice, the FFFF Surveillance Unit sprang into action and arrived outside the State College/Katella Denny’s in time to capture part of the conversation between Hide and Seek Harry Sidhu and OC Register’s intrepid reporter, Jennifer Muir, that we reported on here.

The following transcript has been deciphered from the somewhat poor quality sound recording, and the written notes submitted by the crew, although the handwriting is a bit jittery. Invest any amount of credence in this that you think it deserves.

Jennifer Muir: …so in other words you did not live at the Calabria?

Harry Sidhu: Yes. I mean no. There was a refrigerator.

JM: Excuse me, what?

HS: A refrigerator was delivered and even plugged in. But I had to go skiing. In Colorado. Uh, no in my opinion it was Utah.

JM: And so you signed your name to that voter registration form thinking that you were going to live there, but you never did?

HS: Yes. Yes, indeed. I was always meaning to live there, of course. And may I say you are looking very attractive this morning?

JM: Um. Thank you. What about the DA investigation?

HS: Oh, let me tell you all about that. Politically motivated! I have been cleared of all wrong doing. I came out of that smelling like a daisy.

JM: Uh huh. So then what happened was your wife refused to live in a stucco box behind a bowling alley?

HS: Yes. Such a wonderful woman. You know, we are still sweethearts after all these many years. Sometimes we will hold hands for no reason at all as we walk along the path. Maybe you saw the picture? She even voted for me at the CRA nominating meeting.

JM: Why did you tell people that you had bought a house in the district?

HS: Well, you know, I don’t know anything about that. I will get back to you. By the way, I am very fond of your shoes.

JM: The fact is that up until December you lived in the 3rd District. The issue of carpetbagging has dogged your campaign. Any comment?

HS: In my opinion I have represented 40% of this district for so many years I have forgotten, so I am not only qualified but the people of the 4th District deserve to be having me represent them. In my opinion I truly believe they have been calling for me. I hear the the voice of those people. I am responding to their many calls.

JM: Right. Well. Let’s move on. Some of your critics point to your lack of knowledge about County issues. What would you say to them?

HS: I will be learning all about that later. For now I would say we need jobs. Jobs. Jobs.

JM: Yes, but how, exactly would you create any jobs as a Supervisor?

HS: I am a businessman, not a politician. I know all about creating jobs. I have a plan. We will have a big jobs fair! I will be turning “The OC” into one giant jobs fair.

JM: Excuse me?

HS: There are many fast food franchises that are hiring. In these hard times people eat more fast food than ever. It is a well known fact. I did very well during the last recession. We need to match them up with people looking for jobs. It’s very simple. A jobs fair.

JM: (Unintelligible gurgling sound) Uh, um, how does that tie in with the supervisor’s duties, exactly.

HS: Jobs, of course. We need jobs.

JM: You say you’re not a politician, but you seem to keep running for different political offices. Why is that?

HS: Uh, why is what?

JM: What?

HS: What?

JM: Why all the political campaigns?

HS: Well, this is because I am not a politician, of course. I am running these races because people need me because I am not a politician!

JM: What would you say to (sounds of crashing dishes) to the critics who complain that you always seem to be running for office?

HS: Well those are people who don’t know me because…

Unidentified female Voice: Can I warm up that cup for ya, hon?

HS: …if they knew me they would know how important it is to be electing me to something. Soon. It’s really all about a job. I mean jobs. Jobs for everybody.

JM: Hoo-kay, then. At the GOP Central Committee meeting you seemed to be a little fuzzy on the subject of defined benefits. Have you cleared up that point?

HS: Well, let me tell you, that was a trick question by my good friend Mr. Scott. I have been in deep consultations. And it is my opinion that in my opinion, I have not yet looked into the impact on that and will continue do so in the future.

JM: That’s a pretty important issue. Don’t you think the voters will want you to understand that?

HS: After the election I will try, but of course there will be many, many things to be getting on with. I will hire only the best people to explain these things to me. Mr. John Lewis has promised to help me with that.

JM: Your website takes credit for the High Speed Rail project but at the WAND forum you specifically claimed you have not made up your mind. Care to comment?

HS: Ah, Jennifer I have so much respect for your journalism ability, let me tell you.

JM. Thank you. How about answering the question.

HS: Well this is a very delicate matter because you cannot be for something without understanding all of the complications and implication. Implications  are very tricky. And you cannot be against something until you have thoroughly examined all the details. As I say, the devils is in the details. Well, it’s all a great muddle in my mind, really…

JM: So is that a yes or a no?

HS: Please repeat the question.

JM: Let’s move on.

HS: Okay, jobs.

JM: Pardon me?

HS: Jobs. Jobs Jobs. Oh, I see that white van again. It is becoming quite a bother and now I must be pushing off…

(at this point intelligible audio was lost)