Sad Clowns and Whiny Bitches

There isn’t much worse in this world than a sad clown.

I feel for this clown. Something bad happened to him. He’s a clown! He’s supposed to be happy. He’s not. Clearly this is wrong. This is not his natural state.

One could say the same thing about a man. A man who’s not in his natural state is a sad thing to behold. He’s supposed to be something. He’s supposed to exude something.  For some men it’s confidence. For others, it’s strength. For a few men, it’s hope or inspiration. Whatever it is, a man’s natural state is something good.

Whatever it is, be you.

Celebrate.

Unless you’re a whiny little bitch.

In that case, put down the microphone. Go home, lock the door, and let the world pass you by until you grow a spine.

Common signs of being a whiny little bitch:

1. You cry when you get your ass kicked
2. You complain about the rules when you get your ass kicked
3. You call people names after getting your ass kicked
4. Most importantly, you refuse to admit it’s your fault your ass got kicked

Enter everyone’s favorite recently recalled California State Senator, Josh Newman. The LA Times published a piece today highlighting some pretty obvious confirmations of whinybitchitus plaguing the defunct politician. Read it. You really ought to know what you’re paying this guy to do now that he’s been fired.

To sum up, Josh Newman didn’t just get beat last week. He got destroyed. After months of delays and millions of dollars spent, he was recalled by a margin of nineteen points.

Nineteen.

That’s the political equivalent of taking a straight left to the chin and landing flat on your back 10 seconds after a fight begins. Ding-a-ling! No refunds.

So, let’s see how Mr. Newman did against the FFFF Whiny Bitch Test.

CRYING: “Newman accused his opponents of ‘defamatory lies,’ trespassing on his property and making threats against his wife and child.”  Check.

COMPLAINING: “Rather a series of loopholes in the recall process has been mined and exploited, a sort of hacking of our government code.” Check. (Incidentally, it’s the Constitution you jackass, not the government code.)

NAME CALLING: “It saddens me colleagues, Republican colleagues, that despite all your nice sotto voce words, not a single one of you had the integrity, the decency or the courage  to say this is wrong…” Check Plus. (Bonus points for Latin name calling.)

And most importantly, REFUSING TO ADMIT FAULT: “You sat idly by fellow members, some of you,” he said, adding some “actively abetted this abuse. This is an abrogation of your solemn obligation under the oath that you took.”

No, Mr. Newman. It’s an abrogation of your oath. You swore to represent the will of the people you represent. You swore to protect the Constitution of the Great State of California. You! You did this. This is your fault and no one else’s. Not Republicans, not gobblins, not chupacabra. Just you.

You failed, so we threw your ass out of office. By nineteen points.  So check-check-check-check, #whinybitchconfirmed.

Go home, Mr. Newman.  Stop crying.  Stop complaining.  Stop name calling.  And stop pretending this isn’t your fault. The very least you owe the people you serve after ducking justice for 10 months is to ride your rail out of town with a little bit of respect.

Even a sad clown has his dignity. You can, too.