Author: Jan Florys Dog

Jan Flory's Dog is dead. We would like to report it had a happy life on earth, but it did not. It is much happier now in the great doggy beyond.
Posted onFringie Awards

Another Fringie®! Best Image of 2011

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Due to reasonable requests from Friends for additional images, the Nominating Committee reopened the selection process and has generously included additional images for consideration.

– JFD

In one of our most popular categories our Nominating Committee considered images from 2011 that aggravated our collective angst, that seared our frayed synapses, and that moved us to laughter, rage, tears, blood and sweat. Such mind-numbing work can only be assuaged by mind-numbing medication, and so the Committee found itself self-medicating frequently and without any of the controls imposed by people who control controlled substances. Controcontrolcontrolcontrolcontr…okay where was I?

Oh, yeah. Best Image Fringie® 2011. Here are your nominees:

Large and in charge.

1. Smirking police spokesorifice Andrew Goodrich. This image of utterly smug self-satisfaction, bloated self-worth, utter disdain for the civilians that pay his engorged salary and pension, and utter disdain for the truth came to symbolize a dysfunctional police department. Image and behavior in perfect synchronization. This picture is going to be hard to beat.

Avast ye scarvy dogs. Wanta swap wives?

2. Ahoy there, matey. Back in late summer former Fullerton police sergeant Arthur Wiechmann deigned to visit our humble blog to defend the killers Ramos and Cicinelli. He left a slime trail that was quickly traced back to his own website. And what we found there was pretty creepy. In case you were wondering, yes, Swinging Loverboy is a proud member of Fullerton’s $100,000 club.

3. Until their mug shots graced world-wide news media there was no face to the cop side of the brutal beating death of Kelly Thomas. When Ramos and Cicinelli became the Faces of Fullerton to the world, the true extent of Pat McKinley’s disastrous stretch as Chief of Police became evident to all except the most delusional. If you can discern an iota of humanity in these photos, God bless you.

Ah herebah duhclare this ship launched gahdammit.

4. Back in September Fullerton opened it’s new library remodel and conference room. While only a few hundred feet away a “lynch-type mob” protested the murder-by-cop of an innocent man, a crazed Doc Heehaw and His Business as Usual Co. got tough with an over-sized scissors. Which just goes to show that when the going gets tough, the tough get to cutting ribbons.

5. Colonel HeeHaw as Colonel Sanders. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

6. Boss HeeHaw as Boss Hogg. All hat and no cattle. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

Lookin' out for the ladies, oh yeah!

7. The She Bear, Pat McMcKinley lumbered through our collective consciousness in 2011, leaving copious amounts of She Bear scat in his wake. This picture resonated with the Nominating Committee as one of the great reflections of hypocrisy anybody could recall. See, if you’re one of Pat’s “Special Ladies,” you are not credible and your claims to have been sexually assaulted by one of McKinley’s cops is unbelievable.

Living high on the hog...

8. This cheerful image of former City Manager Chris Meyer surfaced in connection with the bloatation of Fullerton’s $100,000 pension club. Meyer cashes a $14,300 pension check each and every month so he doesn’t have to worry where his next meal is coming from. As City Manager the Meyer oversaw a Fullerton Police Department that sank into its current Culture of Corruption.

Just doin' his job. Then off to Starbucks for a breakfast croissant.

9. Thanks to Friend JT for reminding us of this fun still harvested from an entertaining video about police union boss Barry Coffman handing out citations for “excessive horn honking” a new Vehicle Code violation cooked up by the Fullerton Police Department to harass protesters. For sheer overfed haplessness there’s just no getting around this image. That the haplessness is accompanied by a badge, a gun, arrogance, and self-entitlement should give all freedom-loving people cause to reflect.

The Year of the Protester

10. Since Time Magazine© has named “The Protester” as Person of the Year, it seems fitting to give due notice to Kelly’s Army for their diligent two-month protest in front of the police department. To all the protesters right, left, and center who joined together, God bless you.

That’s enough abuse. Who will take home the coveted Fringie©? Stay tuned and find out!

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Posted onFringie Awards

More 2011 Fringie® Follies: Scariest Ghost of Fullerton Past

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When the sun rose on January 1, 2011, who could have foreseen the strange and disturbing circumstance that would produce a veritable cavalcade of scary ghosts from Fullerton’s olden days.

Sweet Baby Jebus!

And who knew that so many vaporous remnants of Fullerton’s horse and buggy days would be putting in appearances to remind us of the bad old days before talking pictures and x-rays.

Damn Recall!

Rebels Attack Fort Sumpter

1. First we heard the name A.B. “Buck” Catlin, supporter of the anti-recall crew, and inveterate staff stooge/big government RINO when he was on the City Council in the 1880s. Catlin was a proud supporter of every Redevelopment boondoggle in Fullerton’s history; and some that were so hare-brained even his pals wouldn’t support them. How frightful! Good Old Buck was recalled alongside Don Bankhead and Molly McClanahan for promoting a totally unnecessary utility tax. Wow, things don’t change much around here, do they? Shriek!

2. Another scary ghost reappeared to support the Three Dithering Dinosaurs: the hideous spectral phenomenon known as Linda LeQuire. Linda’s image does not appear in mirrors or photographs so you’ll just have to take our word for it. She also popped up to haunt Fullerton two years ago, so I guess we’re just going to have to get used to these biennial visitations! Brrrr!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a noxious vapor.

3. Then there was the horrifying and serial re-appearances of my former, broomstick wielding mistress, Jan Flory. Like her former colleagues she too glady voted to approve an illegal 10% tax on your water bills. Even her offspring are creepy. That’s enough to make you cough up your kibble! EEK!

4. Some purists may quibble that Molly McClanahan can’t possibly be a eerie apparition since she is actually an elected member of the North Orange County Community College District Board of Trustees.  But if that isn’t an insubstantial graveyard I don’t know what is. Like Catlin, and Bankhead, McClanahan was recalled in 1994 for backing that shameful utility tax; her eerie manifestation in defense of the indefensible Three Sluggish Sloths says all that need be said about this transparent emanation.

5. And finally, in 2011 we were treated to a horrifying visitation from the Great Beyond in the vacuous form of former city councilwoman Pam Keller. Don’t be fooled by any apparent substance. There’s no there, there.

First she showed up to scream union slogans into a radio show mike; later she appeared at a city council meeting in some sort of cryogenic suit. If that don’t send you shrieking into the night then I don’t know from Milk Bones. Boo!

Feel free to run screaming into the night, yourself.

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Posted onFringie Awards

The Fringies® Continue: Creepiest Political Stooge 2011

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Normally a non-election year would mean that the pickings for political stoogery would be pretty slim. But 2011 is not a normal non-election year, and the advent of a vigorous Recall campaign has produced that rarest of phenomena: the Off-year Stooge. And so we present the Fringie® nominees in the next category: Creepiest Political Stooge 2011.

The Nominating Committee labored long and hard to come up with the nominees, and we owe them a sincere debt of gratitude. For it could not have been easy pondering the visages and miscreance of these small-town hacks and poltroons. And that may explain the 11 empty bottles of akavit laying around the Editorial Boardroom floor the next morning.

It prefers mealworms.

1. Right out of the chute the Anti-recall forces deployed the limited talents of the unctuous Jim Alexander to attack the character of the Recall leader. Alexander is a reptilian homunculus with a reputation as a small-time bag man for developers who want to grease the City Council.

Celebrate good times: Sizzler Early Bird Special, then lights out at 7:30 PM.

2. Then the same group of uberklowns engaged a four-foot tall gnome-fossil named Bill Gillespie to annoy the FPPC with a hollow complaint drummed up by Dick Ackerman, ironnically the subject of a legitimate FPPC complaint himself for illegal lobbying!

Yo, T! We want our sidewalk back!

3. But they weren’t done. Next they employed the oleaginous services of Anthony “Big Tony” Florentine to lodge yet another empty complaint with the FPPC. You remember this paragon of virtue, right? He’s the guy who built an addition to his bar on a public sidewalk and got the City Council – including Dick Jones and Don Bankhead – to go along with the hijacking.

Otiose and odious. A bad combination.

4. And finally we come to Larry Bennett, the moral bellwether of the anti-recall campaign; a man who earnestly pretends to care about such things as probity and honesty, and yet who lends his name to the worst prevarications cooked up by the amphibio-pus sac, Dave Ellis, and who oversees a website that is nothing more than a pathetic collection of outright lies only made amusing by the unintentional comedic value of the amateur site.

Bennett has distinguished himself by challenging Fullerton water rate payers to find evidence of the hidden illegal 10% tax on their water bills. Of course they can’t find it. It’s hidden, jackass. It’s not on the water bill. And that’s why it’s illegal.

These are your nominees. There will be no winners, only losers. Until we have a Recall, that is.

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Posted onFringie Awards

The 2011 Fringies® Are Here! Dumbest Thing Said By A Politician

by 160 Comments on The 2011 Fringies® Are Here! Dumbest Thing Said By A Politician

Sweet, iridescent, radioactive Jebus, how can one choose from such a wealth of material? 2011 may never be surpassed for dumb stuff uttered by our representatives. The Nominating Committe ruminated long and hard to come up with the nominees. And by ruminating long and hard I mean they did major bong rips into the wee hours. And speaking of wee, here are your nominees.

Yee-haw!

1.You want dumb? How about when Doc HeeHaw exclaimed that he had seen far worse injuries than Kelly Thomas’ in ‘Nam that were survivable?

2. And then there was this pearl from F. Dick, likening the peaceful Kelly Thomas killing protesters to “a lynch-type mob.” Ouch.

Would the Reign of Error never come to an end?

3. The Nominating Committee insisted that King Don Bankhead the First be recognized for the idiotic statement that Fullerton would “biterally” be a ghost town without Redevelopment, and then lying about having said it! Oops! Caught on video!

Gimme a sec'.The longer I think the dumber it will be...

4. Not to be out done by his superannuated colleagues, the comparatively spry  Pat McPension uttered perhaps the stupidest and most odious comment of all, when, after noting he had gotten “bloused” eyes himself, claiming that Kelly’s facial injuries were not life threatening.

5. Then, of course, there was the breathtakingly stupid utterance at the Soroptomist She Bear Pow-wow that left everyone speechless, essentially insinuating that perv-cop Albert Rincon’s victims deserved what they got, and in any case sexual battery by a cop “ain’t a dangerous thing.”  Well, actually, hardly anyone was speechless after that.

Those socks aren't going to knit themselves!

6. And finally, to round out our nominees, the committee just couldn’t overlook the predictably irrelevant observation from councilwoman Sharon Quirk-Silva that homeless people really need socks. Yes, Sharon, they probably do, and many other things, besides. But they would also appreciate not being beaten to death for no reason by your police force, if it’s not too much trouble.

Well Friends, them’s yer nominees in this all-important Fringie® category. Feel free to opine in the comments thread, as always!

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Posted onAbout Us

The 2011 Fringie Awards® Are Coming!

by 34 Comments on The 2011 Fringie Awards® Are Coming!

Yes, Friends, it’s that time of year again when we announce the nominations for the 3rd Annual Fringie Awards®, followed by the decisions by our esteemed selection committee.

Announcement of the nominees in all of the exciting categories will commence on Monday, so be sure to stay tuned for all of the fun.

If this doesn’t make you want to go lift your leg on a Fullerton fire hydrant or city councilman, then there is definitely something wrong with you.

Arf!

 

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Posted onAbout Us

Dithering Dinosaurs Dine Out; McPension Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot. Again.

by 105 Comments on Dithering Dinosaurs Dine Out; McPension Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot. Again.
Unfortunately, age did not confer wisdom...

The Old Boy Network of the Fullerton establishment held a fundraiser for their old boys at the Villa Del Sol the other night. We will be sharing our own video later if our boys in the White Van ever recover from their serial ingestion of raw opium poppies that admin now grows in his backyard.

Lookin' good in yellow! (Photo by Marisa Gerber OC Weekly)

In the meantime, here’s a story on the event from Marisa Gerber of the OC Weekly. She mordantly describes the anti-recall attendees:

a rather homogeneous crew of sexagenarians and older — gathered at a pricey fundraiser tonight to support three beleaguered city leaders.

As usual the best quote of the night come from high school graduate and architect of the Culture of Corruption in the Fullerton Police Department, Pat McKinley:

He can handle it, he said, adding that what frustrated him most was hearing people “who probably never graduated high school” bad-mouth the mayor, who used to be a doctor.

Oh, oh. The literary She Bear who gets $215,000 a year courtesy of the taxpayer for doing nothing is taking shots at the academic accomplishments of the recallers. Bad idea Chief. Some folks might start asking about the scholastic level of your police force!

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