Why Isn’t There a Mr. Fullerton Contest?

Courtesy of Doug Hikawa
They're comin'

Our old friend Barbara Giasone penned one of her edgy, hard-hitting news pieces the other day about the upcoming  Miss Fullerton Competition.

Since we ran a piece awhile back about the geezers in the Chamber of Commerce laying hands all over complete strangers – women young enough to be their grand daughters, this news flash caught our attention.

Smile your way to college!
Cuddle up a little closer...

The propriety of having these young women present themselves at Chamber events to be touched, and touched often, smiling all the while, seems to be a strange way to have to earn an educational scholarship. Just think about it: okay honey you gotta go to this cocktail party full of friendly guys. Just think of them as your dad, or grand dad. What? You’re not 21? Hmm. Well, it’s really not like it’s a bar, exactly. Anyway there’ll be police there too, so that’s okay.

We have a winner...
We have a winner...

Why can’t these young women write essays, or feed homeless people, or do something equally uplifting? Why do they have to attend Chamber of Commerce cocktail parties for photo ops? Seriously. Why?

Watch the hands, Minard...
Watch the hands, Minard...

Well, that’s what pageant winners do, for gosh sakes, some will argue. It’s all harmless, and maybe they like it! Well, maybe they do. And maybe they don’t – and just can’t say anything. In any case it’s pretty hard to escape the conclusion that these contests are are just weird hold-overs from the early part of the last century.

I resemble that remark...
I resemble that remark...

Here’s some help: visualize these women without tiara and sash in the same photos, same poses. Damn friendly girls, wouldn’t you say?

We have no idea what the Miss Fullerton competition entails, but it seems pretty clear that the winner’s attendance at mixer events held by the Chamber is  inappropriate for several reasons.

And if the idea is so damn hot, and not at all sexist, then why isn’t there a Mr. Fullerton constest? We’d love to see Dick Jones with his arms around the waists of a couple strapping, scholarship-hungry young guys!

Is Prohibition Sneaking Back Into Fullerton?

sean-francis
Sean Francis holds forth; Greg Mayes is evidently displeased.

Police Captain Greg Mayes is calling for the Planning Commission to prohibit the serving of bottled liquor at local speakeasies. Unfortunately for responsible bars like the Continental Room, this new rule against “bottle service” will eliminate high-end customers from local bars, making plenty of room for the get-drunk-for-cheap crowd that Fullerton cops love to hate.

Continental owner Sean Francis made a strong case to the Planning Commission for allowing him to continue serving $200 bottles of alcohol to the look-at-me crowd. Although he probably could have drawn enough favor from the commission to pull off a coveted exemption from the rules, Mr. Francis took the high road and continues to push for a policy that would allow other bars to restore bottle service too.

It’s been a long time since Prohibition was repealed, and it still seems silly to attempt to force it upon careful bar owners and responsible patrons. This new policy is a misguided attempt to curb obnoxious activity that is actually perpetrated by the low budget crowd who would never pay for bottle service, but will now fill our bars even more.

Fighting, public urination and drunk driving are already illegal.  Why can’t the police crack down on activity that directly harms others, rather than creating more laws that only inhibit law-abiding customers?

Fullerton’s drunks will always find a way to get wasted with or without bottle service. The Planning Commission should not penalize responsible citizens and business owners for crimes they did not commit.

Departing Police Chief Brings Home The Bacon

2009pigbook
Porktacular reading material

Just in time for his retirement, our beloved police chief Pat McKinley brought home a $100,000 federal earmark for his new body armor which he designed in a partnership with seasoned police contractor Safariland, a subsidiary of Europe’s largest military contractor. Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez congratulated herself for rooting up the money for the high-priced vests as part of the Omnibus Appropriations Act.

What could be wrong with this earmark? It’s nothing but free money for the City of Fullerton – an unconditional gift from the federal government, right?

But the earmark qualifies as official government pork according to government watchdogs.

Citizens Against Government Waste have identified 10,160 projects at a cost of $19.6 billion in the 12 Appropriations Acts for fiscal 2009 that symbolize the most egregious and blatant examples of pork.  All of the items in the Congressional Pig Book Summary meet at least one of these criteria, but most satisfy at least two:

  • Requested by only one chamber of Congress;
  • Not specifically authorized;
  • Not competitively awarded;
  • Not requested by the President;
  • Greatly exceeds the President’s budget request or the previous year’s funding;
  • Not the subject of congressional hearings; or
  • Serves only a local or special interest.
Officer Rubio shows off his new vest while demonstrating a choke hold for our unsuspecting photographer.
Officer Rubio shows off his new vest while demonstrating a choke hold for our unsuspecting photographer.

There are two sides to every slab of government pork: on one hand, earmarks return a portion of Fullerton citizens’ federal tax dollars back to the city itself. If Fullerton doesn’t grab it’s share of the pie, the money will merely be assigned to some other bloated project in some other needy town far, far away.

On the flip side, earmarks represent the very worst in fiscal responsibility and big government. Appropriations Committee members arbitrarily pick winners and losers by earmarking funds for specific recipients.  Lobbyists and their congressmen bypass authorizing committees directly for pet projects, creating a giant fiscal free-for-all that undermines the Constitution and makes states and localities increasingly beholden to the federal government. Finally, the federal deficit grows unchecked and our taxes increase via the debasement of our currency.

Pork projects have haunted this nation since our early years, but they have always been reviled by fiscally responsible citizens. Thomas Jefferson considered earmarks “a source of boundless patronage to the executive, jobbing to members of Congress & their friends, and a bottomless abyss of public money”. If Jefferson knew about the exponential increase in federal earmarks over the last decade, he would likely rise from his grave to scribe a brand new Declaration of Independence.

In the end, the chiefs’ friends at Safariland are $100,000 richer, our police have new vests that cost twice as much as the old, and most importantly, the fruits of our labor have been lost in a sea of unaccountability.